It is also one of the biggest sticking points men trip over. Proper kino escalation begins with the very first stages of a set, and it continues and builds slowly all through the set, culminating in relationships & sex. Physical attraction.
Touching a woman sends powerful signals. It says that you’re confident and dominate. It says that you’re not worried about scaring her off. It says that physicality is a natural and normal part of your life. All that adds up to another benefit: it turns women on. Women like being touched calmly, confidently, by men.
As the man, it is your job to initiate and escalate the physical contact. You cannot rely on the girl to take these steps. Most girls do not dare. Furthermore, if you do not escalate the girl may place you in the friend zone and assume you are only interested in friendship. Trying to suddenly go for a kiss will then seem inappropriate. You instead want the kiss to be a natural part of the escalation.
Traditionally, men are expected to take the risks and lead the way through the entire series of physical steps towards sex. This gives the girl the power to reject him at any step on the way. Although you must be the one who takes the steps, you do not have to take the risks. If you understand how to move smoothly from one step to the next you can avoid these issues altogether.
This is the process of kino escalation, where kino means touch. Kino escalation is done in steps, slowly over time, with the goal of making the girl progressively more comfortable with your touch and proximity.
Kino escalation starts in the Attraction phases and continues all the way to Sex. Try to get physical as soon as you know there is attraction, and then continue escalating slowly over a number of hours. The escalation is based on her comfort level, not on any time limit. Your comfort level as the man is not really an issue. It is the girl’s comfort level that dictates the pace of the game.
It’s vitally important to build kino slowly and unevenly. If you’re touching her in a way that she likes, do it for a moment … then stop! Back up. A few minutes later, go forward again. Starting this pattern early reduces last-minute resistance, but more importantly is puts powerful thought in her head. If she likes your hand on her knee, and you take it away, she’s thinking, “I liked that. I want more of it.” This makes her highly receptive to your next advance. You should always be the one to disengage kino during the attraction, comfort, and seduction phases of a set. If a girl isn’t ready for us to go the next step and pushes us away, no problem. Stop and try again later. Allow her time to feel more comfortable.
Confidence is sexy and importantly does not make you appear uncertain or unclear about what you’re doing. Whether you’re talking about your hand on her knee, giving her a hug, or a kiss close, whatever you do should be deliberate, calm, and done as if the last thing on your mind is that she might reject your kino.
Your kino escalation needs to be somewhat dependent on the location you are in. Otherwise you may embarrass the girl and lower her social value, which will only reduce her comfort instead of increasing it. If she is with her friends or in a public venue only light kino may be appropriate. To go further, into mid and heavy kino, you should first isolate the girl or move her to a more private venue. The best time to go for an escalation is when she is at an emotional highpoint, or you can create the mood you want as part of the kino routine. Sometimes, a woman isn’t crazy about your kino. This is okay! Kino is so important that, when you’re learning, if you don’t occasionally go slightly too far, too fast then you’re almost certainly not escalating enough! However, you must be sensitive to the subtle signals that a woman sends which say, “You just went a little too far.” When this happens, you should deliberately, back off. Don’t flinch or jerk back like a spooked rabbit, but just be aware that her comfort level has changed. It’s okay: you can, and should, escalate again later. All she’s saying to you is “not yet.”
Don’t just plop your hand on her. Let it move, stroke likely. Touch, slide, release. Let go. Everything is light, fluid, and fleeting and comfortable. Be aware that a girl who likes you will often touch you a lot to help build the physical connection. The girl may also skip ahead to a later kino escalation step than the one you were on, in which case you can also skip ahead to that step by reciprocating her touch. Whenever the girl escalates, you can consider all lower levels of kino to be unlocked. Furthermore, the girl may also drop hints that she wants you to escalate, such as looking at your lips to indicate that she wants to be kissed. Make sure that you are open for anything and take it as far as it will go that night.
When you first meet a girl, it’s important to establish that you’re comfortable touching her. Simple things like touching her arm with the back of your hand to emphasize a point in conversation send strong messages. Be willing to let your bodies touch if you’re talking together in a crowded club. Rest your hand on the small of her back or her hip while you talk, or on her knee if you’re seated next to each other. Never pull back from physical contact – and whenever its natural to touch, touch.
Start first with light kino to break the initial physical barrier. This is short, almost incidental kino that you can use in a public setting. You focus on the most public parts of her body: hands, arms and shoulders. Your touch should be friendly and playful, the same way that you would touch your buddies. It makes her feel more comfortable and shows her that you are physically compatible. Keep it light and do not linger. As long as you keep things playful she will not resist the touch, as opposed to you trying to take something from her. Here are a few examples:
Greeting – When you are introduced to a girl that is a good opportunity to start breaking down the physical barrier. Rather than going for a regular handshake, introduce yourself in a way that immediately sets you apart and makes her remember you. For example, by giving her the rock or some other special greeting that you have made up.
As the set progresses, you must confidently escalate, and your touch should become more deliberate. Whereas early-set kino can feel casual and incidental, an element of deliberateness should enter your kino here. Many men new to approaching women get stuck at this point, because they get nervous. “Your hesitation equals her reservation.” The more you wait, delay, or fail to strike when the opportunity presents itself, the less receptive she will be when you finally do escalate.
After she is comfortable with light kino you progress to mid kino. This kino is still playful, but a bit more intimate and overt. You can now go for slightly more private body parts such as her back, waist and legs. At this level longer touches can also be introduced. However, before you do it is a good idea to perform a short or incidental kino escalation move around that area first, to test her comfort level before you go for a longer touch. For instance, you can let your leg brush against hers, or gently tap her thigh while making a point, to see if she would be comfortable with longer kino on her legs. Here are some more mid kino escalation examples:
When she is comfortable with mid kino you can move on to heavy kino. This includes more intimate areas – such as her neck and facial area: ears, lips and hair. Note that this is still comfort building. Heavy kino does not include erogenous zones such as her breasts, crotch or inner thighs. Those areas are not paid any direct attention until Foreplay, where the intent is sexual arousal. Making out can arouse you, so make sure not to cross the line until you are at a seduction location. As with mid kino, you can go for incidental touches first before you go for more overt ones.
Hair play – Run your hand through her hair or twirl it around while looking into her eyes. To see if she would be comfortable with you touching her hair, you can lead up to it by for instance brushing a stray hair out of her face.
Lastly, be aware that some men have a lot of success with women by intentionally pushing women out of their comfort zone, and then backing off if they get some resistance. This can be very powerful, and while it will put off some women, it will be effective with far more: the DHV you get from the confidence usually far outweighs any small amount of discomfort she feels. This requires some careful calibration and experience to get right, though.
A key thing about kino escalation is that if it is a big deal to you then it becomes a big deal for her. Therefore, when you escalate do not make a big deal about it, because it is not. If you think it is natural then it is and she will perceive it so too. Be congruent so it does not seem awkward or contrived. Show a strong intent and be sure to expect a positive outcome. A lot of times the best way to move things forward is just to give commands: “Come here”, “Give me your hand”, “Sit down”, “Let’s go”. Girls are attracted to a guy that takes the initiative and leads the situation. If you feel hesitant whether to go for it or not, just remember that it is always on and go for it. Make it happen.