Mastering The Approach – Overcoming Approach Anxiety

The initial MEETING of women can be daunting

But, if you can’t meet a girl, you can’t date her, make her your girlfriend, or get married to her.
Go through our guide to overcomingapproach anxiety and then look through some of our related articles,

Approach Anxiety & How it Feels

These reactions that our bodies produce are a physical manifestation of what is happening in our heads when we see the girl we are attracted to. The mental aspects of AA act as the catalyst for the physical sensations we experience when we approach women in Sydney, and are often derived from thoughts such as:


Not knowing what to say to the girl. Sensing ‘butterflies’ in the pit of the stomach and chest.

An increased heart rate and quicker, heavier breathing. Dry mouth and throat.

Thinking that you will be judged negatively by anyone who witnesses your ‘approach’, such as strangers, your friends or the friends of the girl (social pressure).

Increased temperature and sweating. Shaking or jittering. Slurred or rushed speech.

Self consciousness regarding your own physical appearance.

Thinking that what you are doing is ‘weird’ or creepy (usually because it goes against what you perceive as being a ‘normal’ social convention).

Basically You Can Approach or You Can Stay in Safety. This a a choice we all have to make every time we approach
 These patterns of thought are extremely common and most men will experience them repeatedly during their life time. As the physical elements of AA are caused as a result of the mental side of AA, the best method for overcoming this common hurdle is to eradicate or limit the prevalence of the problematic thought patterns. While there are a number of differing ways in which to help control these patterns of negative thought, the most effective solution is to challenge these thoughts through experience – in other words, doing the very thing that you fear… Approaching.
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Do you need to master techniques before you can meet women in Sydney?

You’ll hear guys saying things like, “Hey, you need to learn these techniques. You have to know this method. You have to read these books. You have to take this PUA bootcamp.” There are plenty of people who are going to teach you techniques, routines, lines, and methods to use to get laid. Thats fine, most guys who come here are going to need alot of that stuff.

What most guys won’t teach you is to have a mindset that’s going to make this journey in bettering yourself with women. When you’re new to meeting women or have zero experience with women (or both), its easy to get caught up in the idea that you have to master every technique and every method that you see.

Its easy to get caught up in Guru worship spending thousands and thousands of hard earned dollars to learn techniques and things that you can’t apply because you don’t have the field experience to back up the techniques. Basically just throwing your money away to have a guy yell at you to get in set and picking you apart when you come back, I’ll do that for free. The key guys is to go out into the field and meet women. Take one of our classes to help speed up your progress and stop thinking about all the opportunities wasted​.

The Alpha Lifestyle team aims to help men improve their social skills and meet beautiful women. Our sophisticated approach is tailored to the individual, working closely to achieve your goals. We coach a natural method to meeting women. To help you gain success you must first start approaching women.

Debates have long been held in the community between mass approaching versus selective approaching, the so-called “shotgun versus sniper” theories. I’m not even going to go into the direct vs indirect method on this page. I personally tend to take an in-between route, an “assault rifle” route, if we continue those analogies. Waiting for everything to be aligned, such as you receiving an approach invitation or for conditions to be “perfect” is a way to severely limit your opportunities. On the other hand, mass spam style approaching is a good way to waste your time and get you blown out en masse, which will immunize you from any pain of rejection, but is good for little else.​

Just as importantly, however, is the fact that mastering cold approaches makes every other approach easier. If you become skilled at building relationships with people you’ve never met before, imagine how much easier it’s going to be to charm the pants off (figuratively and literally) the cutie that your buddy’s been trying to introduce you to for months!​
Approach anxiety is undoubtedly the main problem for most guys when it comes to being able to talk to girls. If you can resolve that, the rest will simply and eventually fall into place.
We as social beings will always be concerned of what others think of us, regardless of how many times you hear “Don’t worry what people think of you” or how many times you say “I don’t give a shit what people think of me”, and thus approaching/hitting on a stranger and putting your balls on the line will always carry with it some degree of apprehension.

Dealing with Approach Anxiety


“it’s not ever completely going away, and the sooner you accept it, the better. I still get a little nervous before every female I talk to because this is a natural feeling”

I would have approached well over 1000 women in my time, and I STILL feel approach anxiety. BUT, I have simply taught myself to work WITH it. Personally I don’t believe people when they say they never feel AA, nor do I believe pickup marketers who offer fixes. I often see guys getting down on themselves because they feel their AA as some sort of disease which they cannot cure themselves of (which of course breeds more negativity and more anxiety). When you start to accept AA as completely normal, and something that arises not because of your own disability but just something that human beings in general feel in that specific situation, you start to feel a lot calmer and self-accepting. That’s when you feel more strength to work THROUGH it, rather than against it – “OK, I feel anxious, it’s natural, what am I going to do now?” is much better more helpful than “Why am I feeling this, what is wrong with me?”

“AA is actually a GOOD thing. If you take away AA, you also take out the raw emotion that charges and electrifies the situation. It makes meeting people fun and exciting”

Essentially, by approaching that girl in the supermarket or by the bar, yes it’s a pickup attempt, but it’s also a little act which will make you a better public speaker, make you more confident at work, make you more capable of standing up to people, make you more comfortable in your skin – just an all-round better, stronger man. Take a guy who is shy and timid, and have him approach a few women a week for a few weeks. This alone will make him stronger socially and within himself, and he will see the effects ripple to other areas of his life.

When you’re learning to deal with your AA, and you see an opportunity, yes see the girl that you’d like to meet, but also see an opportunity to push your personal envelop a little more. It’s is a great goal that you cannot fail at – your mere attempt is the success bar, regardless of what happens next. Picking her up (if it lands) is a bonus. Then comes the next important part of this – making yourself feel great for hitting that goal.

Positive Emotions

As a human being, you move towards pleasure. We act to either get pleasure, and/or to avoid pain. Everything that you do in life carries with it some form of beneficial feeling to you. So if you’re out doing something that you hate, for what appears to be no reward, you will almost certainly develop a negative complex regarding it – and you certainly won’t improve. As the quote says “The best way to get more of what you want is to appreciate what you already have” If you start finding reward in the approach alone, if you start to make yourself feel good about the meager little “Hello” that you managed to get out of your mouth, if you start to have faith that your attempts alone with eventually turn to successes, THAT’S when you will start to get more results. Don’t over complicate your approach by thinking of more than you have to. She might not even look at you when you approach, and then you’ve wasted time and mental energy by trying to cover all of your bases. And for the most part, whatever you plan for, she will do or say something else. So let it go – focus on just your opener, and (important!) you will develop faith in your ability to roll with it as it comes.


If you accept the general stats, it can help you deal in advance with the concept of “rejection”. I personally feel that during day game for instance, in GENERAL, 50% of girls will have boyfriends (they will still be nice to you, but it won’t close), 25% just won’t be open to being approached, 25% will land well and will be date options (night numbers would be different). So if you approach someone through the day, and it goes nowhere, more than feeling a sense of “rejection”, think of it as more just a part of the numbers game. And this can very often be deceptive. If for example I gave you a barrel in which I’d put 100 black balls and 100 red balls, and the first 4 balls that you pulled out were black, it would be very easy for you to believe that it’s a barrel of black balls, when in fact that’s just not reality. I have some female friends who are beautiful, top notch girls, and because they don’t go out much, they just don’t meet guys, and they are dying to! The red balls ARE out there – you just need to be prepared to go through a few black ones to find them.


SO much of this has to do with the girl. I find it funny in the pickup world when people talk about some elaborate method working when the truth is, the girl was likely just open to being approached. In fact she was probably wondering why he was being so technical and weird about it when a “Hello” would have sufficed. Girls work or study, most are 9am-5pm, and for the most part, they don’t go out every weekend. This leaves the guys that they work with or that are in their social group, and a lot of the times, that ain’t much. There are some girls out there DYING to have a good guy talk to them in the supermarket, DYING to have a good guy with a standout personality come to say hi to her on the one night a month that she goes out. And again, even if to start you meet a couple of women that are in relationships, or who aren’t open to being approached, or who shut you down, does not changed the FACT that some/many are out there waiting for you! So the same girl that you’re standing there shitting yourself about approaching, may very well be sitting at home every night wondering why she never meets anyone. Remember “Good” not “Nice” guys.


An obvious but often overlooked one. I reckon that a lot of guys are chasing women to fill a void in their lives. I’ve been there for sure! The ironic thing is that often a step back from women, and a focus on enjoying yourself and your life outside of women, makes meeting women 100 times easier. If you’re wandering around approaching women to fill the emptiness inside you, to overcompensate for a lack inside you, or to forget about an lingering emotional issue, of course you will feel more approach anxiety – every approach may be a girl making you feel even worse, and reminding you of the emptiness/loneliness inside you! Doing more of what you love means being happier, having a better mood, finding it easier to socialise and connect with people.